Chou

3:13PM - My Chii

Ok,so I'm really proud of my girl!!!! But who wouldn't???

Current mood: artistic

12:55AM - Many Would Agree.....

You + Halo 3 + showing off to your friends and winning = you're the man
You + Halo 3 + showing off to you r friends and winning by gunning down your gf endlessly = you're a prick

Current mood: enraged

12:26PM - Gross

Some girls should not post pictures of their bare backs.Especially if they're fuck ugly.

Current mood: nauseated

1:42AM - Losing It

I feel overly depressed for some reason,maybe it's because I have alot on my mind,and that I'm tired as well,but....maybe this life is a joke.I don't feel very accomplished,or that I'm going anywhere.I don't even feel like I'll reach the goals I wanted either.Like things will just keep going the way they are the rest of my life.I felt so shitty this morning.I had gotten fussed out,had to get a new tire,stressed over how to pay for the tire,and then go by The Something Blue Shoppe,and sit in front of it for a while.I wanted to hurl.All I needed was for David and Christina to walk out of there.I'm jealous.I'm bitter. I have nothing.I feel like I'll just be playing video games the rest of my life,which is basically no life at all. I feel like,even though I'm considered important,I'm not considered important enough for some things.I don't know why I thought things would actually be different for once.That things would actually right,and that I could be happy.

7:32PM - Settling In, Kind Of

Hopefully my entertainment system will be in this week,that way I can put all my crap away. Bought my Gibson guitar,which is "purple burst" in color. Joe picked out his birthday present which should be here by the 11th,which is what we were told.Things are going pretty good,except for the lack of sleep. Our garden is growing pretty well,I just want the other flowers to bloom already though!!! Still excited about Persacon, but not about all the fat,geeky girls attending it.Yeah,stereotypical cosplayers.Makes me cringe.

Current mood: drained

12:09PM - PersaCon 2008

So excited,so excited,so excited!!!! Really,really, uber excited!!!! Can you tell? Kiddo and Joe will be going with me too!!!! I already bought my costume,which is Suiseiseki from Rozen Maiden. Debating whether or not to shell out the money for contacts. I will end up dying my hair for the con too. Has anyone else seen the series??? I'm still confused on the ending to Traumend. I mean why the hell would Laplas have HinaIchigos and Souseisekis Rosa Mysticas,when Suiguintou won them? Uber confused on that part.Anyways, still excited about the con.

Current mood: dorky

1:23PM - Abnormal, Kind Of

I haven't checked my MySpace the last couple of days because of my grandmother being in the hospital,and me having to look after everyone lately.So, I was really surprised to see that I had gotten an e-mail from Blake, "James" on my top friends. He moved to Vegas a while back,and we haven't really kept in touch at all,which I was a little hurt about,but I knew he was busy with being a chef.But.....he misses me, and that when he left it was the biggest mistake he ever made,because he loves me. I don't know how to feel about that.Quite honestly I thought he had forgotten about me,especially since Vegas is abundant in beautiful girls. I guess I could say that I'm flattered that he does remember.If you have ever met him,you would know why.Surely, he does realize that I am in a relationship,but considering how everyone else on myspace forgets to scroll down to that part,I suppose not.

Current mood: shocked

11:10AM - Jealous Much?

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5:53PM

Current mood: calm

5:08PM - Isolation

Should I cut myself off again? Should I isolate myself again? I don't know. But, if I did, then no one would get hurt.I wouldn't hurt. I would just be alone.But, if you think about it,I was alone to begin with.At least I have Chase though.That's more than enough. The most reliable person in my ilfe right now. We always come second,never first.I'm used to it,but not Chase,luckily he doesn't understand it yet.Nobody would choose us. I get it. I see now why mom is so over-protective of me and him,because she knows they wouldn't choose us either.They may think they would,but in the end,they never do.I'm still following the blind belief that there is a special someone for everyone.Wake up.Please,wake up.If I truly want to stop hurting,then I need to wake up.He'll never come after me,and say I'm the most precious thing to him,and that he never wants to loose me.No one will ever say that to me.I should stop pretending that anyone would.

12:34PM - This I Know

We're alot happier than some people will ever be.

Current mood: calm

10:02PM - This Is How You Remind Me

You don't let me fully in,and I can see from the expression on your face that you're hurting,but I don't want to press the subject on you.So,I'll wait,I'll wait until you're ready to let me in,even if it will take forever.I'll wait.







I love you.

Current mood: content

11:09PM - Recycle

I see.I notice.All the songs that you liked and sang to me,were ones you used to share with her too.I'm not amused.

10:36PM - Still I'd Look To Find A Reason To Believe

I don't feel like getting up.I don't feel like dressing up.I don't feel like doing much of anything.I wanted to know what it was like to have feelings again,and now I wish I didn't.I feel like I"m sitting on the back shelf gathering dust.Eventually no one will even know that I exist.They're starting to show those stupid jewelry commercials again.The ones that advertise happy couples and engagement rings.I hate them all.Lucky fools with happily ever afters.Yes,right now I am very bitter.I don't care.I don't care becuase I know that no matter how hard I have convinced myself that I will one day get everything I lost back,I won't. I lied to myself.I hate myself too.

12:29AM - This Is Not My Idea Of a Good Time,This Is Not My Idea

Grrr.........my self-esteem totally blows.No matter what I do I still don't feel like I'm well,pretty. Maybe every now and then I do,but it's brief,and never really lasts that long. I know my friends are thinking that I'm idiot and what not for saying this,but I do feel this way.I still feel this way.And yes,it does partially have to do with being divorced.Don't ask me how it ties in.I just hate talking about my divorce in general,and eventually end up crying towards the end.I find myself comparing me to Joes exs and girl-friends.I don't know why I just do.I don't why I feel like,I shouldn't feel like this.I mean I do notice guys checking me out and stuff.Hell one guy tried to pick me up in the parking lot with Joe sitting in the damn car! **special note** Joe stupidly didn't come to my aide due to the fact w/ his DS in tow and headphones.The doctors even send me to the front if they think our client is cute.Why I don't know considering they know I have a boyfriend.Good business??? No clue.I do invest alot into myself,but I don't want to end up shallow or conceited,and I'm not.Honestly I feel like if a girl really wanted to she could walk right up to Joe,and I would be left behind.Even if that girl was only slightly attractive,my brain would register her as prettier than me.I mean even though Joes friends said I was the best looking girl he has ever dated,I end up comparing myself to them.I view myself as well,average looking. I take care of myself,so that has to be worth something I guess.I don't know.Sometimes I really hate being a girl,and this is most definitely a reason why.

Current mood: depressed

5:22PM - It's Only Forever

This is me.This is me posting once in a blue moon again.Deal with it. Me and Joejoe saw "American Gangster" last night,which was really except that the couple behind us kept having to get up and leave every fifteen minutes!!! Other than that it was fine. Joe's going to go visit "the boys" down in T-town either Friday or Monday. Hmmm.....I think I'll take a couple of minutes to rant. First, if you're going to make a post about all the faults in your life to let everyone know,and then in about five minutes put it to private,then you're really not putting it out there for them like you said you were.Grow a backbone.I mean what's the worst they can do to you? It's not like they're going to jump through your computer and burn you at the stake.Second, don't tell me you've been going to the gym everytime I freakin' see you people if you honestly don't look like you've been there at all.It takes a whole lot for me not to tell you so,and I probably will eventually.Does anyone else seem to get annoyed with the girls that think they're freakin hot,or that they turn guys down here and there when they're really un-attractive? I don't know maybe it's just me.Remember I seem to have a higher standard on what is beautiful compared to most.Anyways I just felt like rambling/venting on random things. Oh, by the way.I have new pics up on my MySpace.I might write more later this week.Probably not,but maybe.

Current mood: contemplative

9:50PM - Will You

Today I look for someone just for me.

Someone who will love me even if I can't fulfill their wishes.

Someone who has love for me alone.

Current mood: determined

7:16PM - I'll Envy If I Want

I'd love to be drop dead goregous.

9:29PM - Trippin'

It's amazing how you'll comment on her shit.I love you though. I know you said she's going through some rough times,but does she realize you're with me? This reminds me of when you asked me that Wednesday.I had a really rough day,so right now I'm a little irritated.

Current mood: exhausted

6:12PM - So Sad,That I't's Hilarious To Me

Ohhhh...how I love super top secret undercover work.Ultra fun,which I owe it all to Kiddo.I feel perfectly fine now.So pathetic thought.Just so pathetic.I might actually feel bad for that girl,but I don't.I know,I'm evil,but I can't help it.And why should I be nice all the time anyways?Sure, I have low self-esteem,and a ton of insecurities,but I don't start fawning over every guy who seems to give me the time of day.Pathetic,just pathetic,and that thought alone makes me smile inside and out.

Current mood: devious